Monday, May 01, 2006

Just Like Home!

This morning I was cruising on 270 while keeping an eye out for my groundhog peeps, and Ashley was being frisky as ever (she's gonna get me in trouble someday--I just bailed her ass out last week). I was kinda tied behind someone obviously running late on her Sunday drive. Before long some dude in a Bimmer was riding my ass. At that point me and my girl were hopelessly trapped in an asshole sandwich. Drat! Well not wanting to get my girl angry, I darted over a bit to some free space and the dude behind me (I'll call him Wang-Chung because most dickheads in my life get cute nicknames, but I'm not racist--I have Asian friends) followed, then he started branching out in other lanes. As a matter of course, me being the driver further along, I could pick the openings in traffic, and he could either follow or pick a less desirable course. He tried both, and evidently became pissed, as once traffic opened up, I let him move on (I'm just not that into competitive driving en route to a job I can show up whenever the fuck I'd like to, besides, we were almost at the Dublin speed trap). In the process he was weaving erratically and really seemed all cracked out (maybe that extra shot of espresso wasn't necessary for him this morning). Well the Wanger wasn't content with getting ahead, and he started rolling down his window, sticking his head out, turning around facing me, pumping his fist and spitting. He wasn't so talented, as he almost lost control of his car in the process. I laughed and blew him a kiss (after all, I knew I'd get the last word in my Myspace blog!). Actually, I also knew the last guy who pumped his fist at me like that became anthropomorphic road pizza on I95 (I'm really a nice guy who attracts assholes on the highway and karma gets them in the end--kinda like snitches in prison). Soon Wang Chung started cabbage patching and egging me on. He'd try to wave me ahead, and Ashley was getting pissed (she is a firey redhead after all). Despite my listing to RATM, I was more or less chilled and thought the better of that one, and besides I never speed that fast in Dublin anyway. Well he was getting more pissed, spit a few more times and started to stick his head out of the window again and looking back. He did this for a while, and I think he started to talk about my mother or something. I batted my eyelashes and blew him another kiss. It was my exit, so I just zipped over and made my way into the wonderful Stepford community of Dublin. Oddly enough he always signaled (maybe I forgot and that's how I pissed him off). So much drama, but it reminds me of Florida. My first real Ohio road rage incident.

Keep an eye out in the next day or so for the I95 road rage blog from the archives; it involves, rednecks, homosexuals, Crown Royal, helicopters, explosions (yes plural!), and a dead asshole.

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