It's that time of year again, where Mexicans such as myself can stand proud, and share in our wonderful heritage and culture. Places like Flannigans, which until as recently as St Patty's Day was an Irish establishment must have fallen into new ownership, as now its a Mexican place. Places like Bob's bar, which became O' Bob's Bar, likely will become El Bob's bar, another indication of the rising influence of vibrant Mexican-American population here in Columbus. I can't wait to celebrate, and there is a pinata with my name on it, and I'm ready to beat the shit out of it.
Why do we celebrate Cinco de Mayo on May 5th? Well Cinco de Mayo means May fifth dumbass! Why not May 4th? Well that's Quattro de Mayo--it's just not the same. See on 5 May 1862 some badass Mexicans kicked French ass. No one ever beats the French in war, ever, and us Mexicans busted open a can of whoopass. Our secret weapon? Cows--no shit (well, where there's cows, there's shit, but you know what I mean). Carnitas or something like that in our lingo (wait is that pork, it's been a while since I've been to Chipotle)--Barbacoa? Shit, oppressive English influences have stifled my ability to speak Mexicish. In the end, we lost anyway, but fuck, we're celebrating Cinco de Mayo, who's the winner now bitch? If it weren't for the brave heroes of Cinco de Mayo (yeah the cows), there would be no Cheech and Chong, no Taco Bell, and no Three Amigos. God bless Mexico and viva la Mexico, and whatever. I'm Mexican and you're not, so get over it. I'll go to Flannigans and El Bobs to celebrate with my peeps, and they'll all be Mexican.