Monday, February 26, 2007

It's that time of year

I suppose there are a few THAT time of the years, but I digress. Now is the time of the Lenten fish fry, crowded seafood restaurants (only on Fridays), and mysterious 'fish' offerings at places like Arby's, Wendy's, and even KFC. BTW, KFC is so worried about how bad those things are, that they're seeking a blessing by the Pope. Maybe they should have tried Mother Teresa, as it would take a miracle to make such a sandwich edible. I suppose this phenomenon occurs everywhere, but it is much more pronounced in Ohio than it ever was in Florida.

Growing up Catholic in Florida, Lent wasn't anything real special, heck I think I've observed Lent more than my folks, even in recent years. I suppose the prevailing availability of seafood made it kinda moot, but here in Ohio, it's practically an event. Bingo halls are being cleared out, and beer battered fish is being consumed hand over fist, then it's bingo time (hey Jesus didn't give up bingo, did he?). Anyway, I find it all amusing (unless it's frightening, such as the KFC 'fish'). Speaking of fish, even my junk yard cat, who would eat just about anything, won't touch a Fillet o' Fish, which oddly enough isn't a fillet, and perhaps is not fish.

I always ponder why others don't jump in. Come on PETA, quit handing out brochures with tortured animals and showing videos of cruel slaughters at gallery hop, all they ever do is get sickos off. Meat eaters will always eat meat. That's why steakhouses aren't even afraid to put big old cow or buffalo heads on the wall. They could put mounted dog heads up, and we'd still eat meat. Why not sponsor some low key veggie nights or hand out some decent recipes for those of us who don't like hummus or tofu? Bring a truck of corn up from Mexico or maybe fry some zucchini. Oh, while you're at it, make sure everyone involved bathes--with real soap. Also, NO PATCHOULI!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Thawing out

Now that the snow has begun melting, the abominable snowman has retreated, and the thermometer has stabilized in the positive realm, I feel its safe the reflect upon the days that have passed. They've brought two debilitating snow storms, about a foot of snow, lots of ice, and way too much local weather coverage. They've brought images of silly Ohioans mowing their snow with snow blowers (folks here love to mow their yards WAY too much), memories of snow plows trapped in the snow, and visions of puppies playing in the snow.

Perhaps one of the most memorable moments was on Valentines Day, where upon returning home from a romantic meal at Smokey Bones (nothing says love like ribs and chicken), we were slowly getting trapped in the snow that inundated our driveway. Being the chivalrous fella I am, I hopped out to shovel snow out of the way, but before I could realize how futile that effort would be, I was greeted by two of our friends from the south (Mexico, not Kentucky), who appeared out of nowhere. We quickly got past the language barrier, and upon some negotiation, which involved converting prices into Pesos, so they could determine if it was worth their while, we agreed upon a price. What was almost as remarkable as their sudden appearance was the arrival of two more helpers. In less than five minutes, they cleared all of the snow and more importantly ice, from the way of the garage, helped push the car in, and began work on the rest of the driveway. When I looked out the window ten minutes later, they were gone, as was the snow and ice on the driveway--six inches of snow and about an inch of ice, all for less than the price my coworkers paid to replace their broken snow shovels from their failed efforts. Rome wasn't built in a day, but I'm damn sure Mexico City was.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Bring the llama pelt

Those four words, "bring the llama pelt" were the last four words in an email I just reread, and as usual there is a story to be told. You see back in my younger days, I often frequented a variety of thrift stores, and I would often come upon some rather interesting items (I wouldn't necessarily rely upon these places for my usual wardrobe, but every now and then you need something special). Well, once I found just that, and it came in the form of a llama pelt fashioned into a vest. Now, I'm no Jim Tressel, but even he'd be cool with a llama fur vest, and once day I decided to liven things up at College Bowl practice. The team often needed an added bit of energy by Wednesday night, and a good conversation piece (to break the monotony of endless arguments over Brian Boitano's sexuality), and showing up wearing a llama vest (bare chested below) seemed like a sound idea.

Well, it worked, and the stroll from the parking lot to the union (and through the union) was quite an event. My favorite part was being stopped by a Latin American lady, who immediately recognized it as being llama and informed me that it was very good quality. I was rather proud of my purchase. Sadly it's been lost over the years, and now I must troll ebay for a replacement.

Fuck it's cold

For all of you outside the metro C-bus area, I just wanted to let you know it's fucking cold here. I never thought one could get brain freeze from it being so cold outside, but believe me, it happens. Last night I had to stand outside to encourage our pups to pea (thanks 'Kuma), and I didn't feel right until this morning, then I had to go back outside to go to work. My car said -20, which sounds horrible, but it really was "only" -4 (and it's a dry cold), since it only tells you the temp in Celsius, which actually lets me impress the ladies with my multiple by nine, divide by five, and add thirty-two skillz. The friendly neighborhood video billboard just said N/A for the temp. I guess fucking cold would be too many characters.