Friday, March 10, 2006

Share the Wealth Paula

Many of my friends watch American Idol, some of which tried to seduce me into watching the show. Well years have gone by, and I finally relented this season. It wasn't anything premeditated, as I was chatting with a friend who was watching and wanted to see what it was all about. Having recently joined the karaoke circuit, it was interesting to see these folks up there living the dream.

Well enough about the contestants, as what amuses me the most is Paula Abdul. An interesting choice for a music critic, she brings a certain perspective. I don't want to accuse the otherwise reputable Ms Abdul of any wrongdoing, but the bitch looks like she's fucked up. Not bad fucked up, but good fucked up. Everything is rosy to her, and nothing seems to bring her down. Where do you get that shit? Is that what's in those mystery ubiquitous Coke cups? Could you share? Is there another explanation? Did MC Skat Cat hit her upside the head?

Regardless, she's happy, and everything is wonderful in her eyes. So, Paula, why don't you do me a favor and start up an 800# with me. Imagine you're having a shitty day, dog died, girlfriend left you for your brother (after she poisoned your dog), etc… Wouldn't you want to be able to call Paula and have her say random nonsensical encouraging words? She'd just need to record about an hour's worth of random nice things to say, and a computer could do the rest. After that, a Paula Abdul Furby, for uplifting words on the go. It would have the additional feature of finding something positive to say about any song. Like other Furbies, she would talk to others. So maybe a Randy Furby would banter with the Paula one, while the Simon one rolls his eyes. Paula could also make money doing public speaking, on the we just announced you've been laid off tour. She could come in after some HR hack hands out all the pink slips to find something positive about the situation. Anyway, lets not lose focus of the fact that somehow Paula has found chemical nirvana (either that or a talented intern is hiding under that table they sit at), and life is good for her.

I'm not quite hooked on the show, and despite my karaoke tendencies, I won't be competing. Lately I've been watching Jeopardy again, and I'll try again to get on there. I'll give a shout out to my homies when I'm on there.

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