I recently returned from the 28th annual Rumble in the Bronx Breakdance and Beatbox Championship. This has been the premier event of the American Breakdance and Beatbox Association (ABBA). Lately I've been reconnecting with old friends and interests while also making cool new friends and trying new things. Well for those of you who don't know me from back in the day, I can bring itand I come correct.
I arrive, ghetto blaster and cardboard box in tow. I only sign up for the breakdancing contest, having sworn off of beatboxing after I got screwed at my best chance at winning with the cancellation of the 2002 competition due to SARs. I stretch out, and look around at a pretty hard-core crowd. An unfamiliar voice yells out my old nickname, "Cracker", which I heard so often back home when I was breakdancing and ballin back in the day. I guess my reputation has preceded me. I must be the guy to beat--I am THE MAN!
I entered the freestyle routine competition; only the elite of elite dare enter this competition. By some mix up, my routine came towards the beginning of the event, as typically top competitors get the honor of going last. Perhaps someone forgot that 1999 honorable mention I received in the ABBA sanctioned Fleming Island Open (Caucasian division). Things started poorly when I tripped on my moonwalk, but I tried to recover by doing the worm. That didn't work too well either, but I was feeling it. I threw myself into a mighty windmill, which was the low point of the show. I spun out of control and kicked a little girl in the head. At that point the crowd became rather angry, and the friendly calls of "hey Cracker" became "Get off the stage you mutha fuckin' Cracker!" Well, at that point, ridiculed and dejected, I left the stage and drove home. I didn't even remember to stop and load up on knock-off Kate Spade purses for upcoming birthday and Christmas gifts.
Have I lost all my moves? Is Fleming Island not among the elite breakdancing hotspots? Am I too white? Well, I guess there is a little bit of yes to all of those answers. A not-so good end to a not-so good week. Now I'll have to refocus my efforts on the upcoming Ohio Rock Paper Scissors Championship.