A Home in Search of a Critter

I'm always interested in cryptozoology, and when it comes down to it, mysterious legendary (even if merly urban legendary) creatures are cool. They add a certain sense of identity and local color to a community, and they sure do wonders for tourism. From the Jersey Devil to the Loch Ness Monster these creatures are quite interesting, and whether yeti or sasquatch, I'm always thirsty for more information.
Living in Columbus, I can't help but feel isolated and alone. We don't have any mythical creatures. In Florida there was the Chupacabras, which always lurched in the darkness. Odd noises had an explanation and farmers had a good cover story for not protecting their critters from wild dogs. Locals here in Columbus have tried to spice things up, as quite a few have seen wild lions in Gahanna. Another attempt at change for the positive were the desires of local artists to build a mountain to break the monotony of the flatness by building a mountain. If this were to succeed, we would have a home for our mythical creature! Not a mountain lion, as that's not exactly so exotic. Not a man bear pig (been done already), but something similar. Sticking within the realm of reason, maybe a half jackass half white-trash creature. To make it real scary (and believable), it could be a buckeye fan. It would be big, smell, guzzle beer, and have one of those ugly buckeye necklaces (it would being a big white trash fella, it would likely be neckless as well). The jackass part would be a grey, and the white trash bits sunburnt, so it would possess the local colors. Possible existence of its 'existance' would be missing cheap ass beer from drive throughs (places where one can drive their car through a convenience store to buy beer from the comfort of a car--scary shit and quite common up here).