I sit here groggy, tired, sore, and wondering what exactly led to me riding in a cop car last night. While I've watched more than my fair share of COPS, I can honestly say it's a bit different when you're riding in the car--mostly the smell, with a bouquet of puke, piss, and other fluids masked by an overwhelming fragrance of industrial sanitizer--basically like bowling alley shoes, only worse.
So how did I end up smelling these unique odors and enjoying the real life COPS experience? Well fear not it didn't start with a crack pipe and a wife beater. It all started innocently enough with a car ride to Cincinnati to visit Liz's friend, who was there on business travel. We got there early and discovered how the elite live and travel, and decided upon a nearby place to dine. We walked there only to discover that the Thai place we decided upon was no longer open, so we sauntered about to another Asian place, then another. All closed. Determined to keep going, her friend decided to ask the on the spot food critic: the fuzz.
I suppose it was a sound idea, but a tad unconventional--the kind of thinking I usually exhibit. He pulled his cruiser over and asked what kind of food we were looking for and processed the query. After a few results sputtered out, he thought of a Chinese place his Asian friend ate at. He then offered to give us a ride there. How could we refuse? So next thing you know, he's opening the back doors, the ladies slide in and I somehow got shotgun (though ironically enough there was no shotgun in the front seat, which was rather common in Florida). I suppose I haven't watched enough COPS, as I looked around for a while for the seat belt, which was no where to be found--five-0 gotta get in and out quickly. As we cruised around, we were like animals in a zoo exhibit, as everyone glanced in, often practically sticking their heads in, Not wanting to disappoint us further the cop called his Asian friend to see if the place would be open at that 'late' hour (like 8pm), and his friend seemed shocked that he would be riding around with strangers. Making our experience complete, he pulled up to a red light and asked if we wanted to run a red light; he then proceeded to do so and asked if we get pissed when cops do that. Before long our trip was over, but the journey continued ...
We got to the place, which was the cliche Chinese place with lots of red and green, a few terracotta soldiers, and the ubiquitous dragons. We sat down, and before long our conversations scared the family sitting nearby into a hasty exit, and we were greeted with a remarkably entertaining waiter, who warned us of what not to eat, advised us on the best values, and humored our general playfulness. The food was good, but the amusing interactions kept making sure we 'enjoys' everything.
After that we walked back to the hotel, sadly no ride in the police car, but we did see a bunch of blue lights while we were walking past the Hustler store. We walked over to see if our buddy was there, but alas we didn't see him. All in all it was the best experience I've had with the the law. It also was cool meeting Liz's cool friend. I wonder what kind of adventures we'll go on when our paths cross again.