All Hail the King

As you likely know, I was a history major in college, and it remains an avid interest of mine (as opposed to political science which I also majored in and thoroughly hated), but I never really had much of an interest in American history. For all of its niceties, democracy and all that will of the people crap really is lame. It all but eliminates opportunities for real whack jobs and remarkable characters (I know most folks are wondering how our current situation doesn't qualify, but all in all it's still tame by real autocrat standards, and it has become too sad to laugh at). Anyway, kings (and queens), emperors (and empresses), Czars (I bet you didn't think I could spell czarina), and various princes, dukes, and misc monarch makes studying history amusing and fulfilling. So where am I going with this, well not anywhere I can tell.

A hunka hunka tacky lamp

So where was I? Well with all due respect to that creepy Burger King, the king of beers, and the Dairy Queen (who's attempts to annex the kingdom of burgers has been an udder failure--bad pun, but worse food), there is one king in American culture: Elvis. Yeah, he's not much of a musician, and he totally stole his whole gig from lesser known African American artists, but he's an unmistakable cultural icon and national treasure--kinda like Kylie Minogue is for Australia and Lars Ulrich is for Denmark. So why this sudden fondness for Elvis? Well, I'm not a fan, never was, and I doubt I will be, but this story has a point, well a general direction ...

His wonky facial expression is why some have called him 'Downs Elvis'

Last Friday we had our late fall gift exchange event (gotta be PC) at work, which involved a 'white elephant' exchange. In a nutshell (for all you Buckeye fans), one brings in crap from home, and draws a number. #1 goes first, unwraps someone else's crap, and pouts. #2 can take the shit #1 would otherwise be stuck with or take a chance that they will get something even worse through unwrapping another persons garbage. If #2 (or any subsequent person) takes #1's gift, then #1 gets the same options as if it were his turn (including stealing someone else's unwrapped rubbish). So ... I went 13th, and I brought in some crap from the basement (sweetened in part with lotto tickets), and I opted to steal a gift card (for Starbucks) unwrapped by someone else. #20 (the last person) stole my gift card, so I went ahead and stole #1's Elvis lamp.

Let me tell you, it's big, gaudy, and an antique. I'd say 95% of the people on earth would describe it as hideous, and it may have ended a few marriages, but I think it's got some charm. More importantly, I knew it had to be worth more than the $10 average of these gifts. Sure enough, when the exchange was complete, I was presented with a printed eBay screenshot with a similar lamp selling for $225 (plus $25 S&H)! For now he's keeping the guest bedroom looking retro. See, I told you this was going somewhere.